The Lonely Path of Self Growth

What do you do when you’re ready to change your life, but the people around you aren’t?

Changing your life for the better.

It’s tough to live in shame and fear. It can be a swirling fog of self-doubt and negativity. Finally, one miraculous day, you find yourself with the energy, drive, and opportunity to make some changes you have been dreaming to do! The clouds seem to have parted, and your life is full of sunshine. Finally, you are going to catch a break!

Why aren’t you happy for me?

You THINK your friends and loved ones are going to be excited for you. Granted, they might not be as excited as you are, but at least they are going to be just a little bit happy for you!

The only problem is…..they aren’t.

Where you thought you’d get a high five or a “How great for you!,” instead you get all kinds of fun-sucking statements like “The percentage of success with that is not great,” or “Didn’t you try that already?” or even a fake smile and a “yaaaaaaaaay.”


Your expectations have been given some serious whiplash. You KNOW this change is good, you KNOW these people love you, so therefore it would make sense that they should want you to have something good in your life! But…

Suddenly you find yourself asking, “Why aren’t they happy for me?”

Along comes loneliness.

Now your clarity and vision for your exciting new life’s path has gotten a big ol’ bag of dog poop placed right in the middle. No fair! You really would like to think that this person who gave you this feedback has done this kind of on accident. You probably really want to think they were just looking out for you. They might say they were doing this themselves! They might even say “You are so important to me, I just don’t want you to be surprised by any challenges or hang-ups.”

Suddenly, you realize that you still want to make this change, and you still know in your heart that this is the path for you. But now there’s another element: you’ll have to take this path and the rejection you’ve received from your friend or loved one. If you’re going to do this change, you’ll have to do it without this other person’s support.

You’ll have to be more alone in it than you originally anticipated.

To make matters worse, now you have fears! You are worried about all the little things that negative feedback has planted in your brain, all those little nit-picky, insecure worries

Blah blah. It’s a bag of poop, ok?

Here’s the thing:

Some folks are just not going to be happy for you. Ever.

They just can’t do it, and it is 100% NOT YOUR FAULT.

There might be several reasons why they just can’t do it. None of them will be your fault.

They won’t be able to tell you that you deserve…

to feel happy, to heal, to have a positive life.

There might even be some people who are so accustomed to associating you with a challenging circumstance (ie. having an illness, struggling with single parenthood, etc.) that they just will not imagine you healed and whole, and having to change their perception of you will confuse and upset them. Seriously. You are requiring that they cope with a change, and some people are not very good at this at all.

Do it anyway.

You’re going to need to be strong for yourself.

You’re going to need to move forward, knowing that they are incapable of believing you deserve the prize waiting for you on the other side of this challenge. They won’t think you deserve it.

Do it anyway.

So what if your ex, former boss, former friend, current friend, family member, mom, dad, or whoever don’t really believe that you deserve this good change. It doesn’t matter.

You do NOT need anyone’s permission to start living better.

Period. You can do this. Those naysayers don’t understand now. But they will. Soon they are going to understand EXACTLY why this new life is the perfect fit for you. And they’ll learn to associate you with this new health, and this new way of doing things.

Start with you.

You don’t need anyone to tell you that it’s time to stop beating yourself up or living in shame. You can do that for yourself right now. Show yourself that you are valuable and worthy of love, and believe me when I say that it won’t be very long before everyone else starts to catch on.

Teach the world what you’ve learned: That we are ALL on a path of growth, and it is the job of us all to continue to move forward as best we can.


Take that step.


Here’s how I grew recently!

I learned a ton about freedom from shame and guilt recently when I quit smoking forever. I also learned ways to manage life changes and how to really put forth the things that were in my heart, so that I could start living the full and bountiful life I always imagined.

Read my book here.

1 Comment

  • Anne says:

    Excellent post! Loved the point you made about people being so used to hard circumstances that they can’t handle another person changing theirs. So true! We all tell ourselves so many excuses! But you’re right, you just have to do it anyway!

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